terrible twelves

For those who are parents, the idea and memory of the terrible twos may shoot shivers down your spine. This was the season of development when your kid put everything but food in his mouth, cried over spilt milk she clumsily poured, made messes of her room and your home worthy of FEMA intervention, and wandered off into danger daily. For those who are parents of teens or older, this may sound a lot like early adolescence (which equally sends shivers down your spine).
The reality is that two and twelve are a lot alike. This is true, biologically, socially, relationally and spiritually.
Biologically their bodies are growing, changing and forging a gender identity. Along with these changes come some curiosity (even fascination) with their new bodies. These changes also produce an obvious clumsiness that amuses us at two and frustrates us at twelve.
Socially they are becoming more aware of others; learning to play with or relate to peers. At both stages mastery means not hitting someone for taking a toy or friend away from them.
Relationally they are learning to express themselves with language, both verbal and nonverbal. Grunting is not uncommon. At both stages they are choosing hero's with which to relate: cartoons with capes at two, athletes, actors and entertainers at twelve. At two the try on your shoes and clothing, at twelve they try on your habits; vice or virtue, anger or gentleness, patience or impulse.
Spiritually, through the imagination, they are becoming aware of the mysterious other. At two the Bible stories inform their reality. At twelve, their reality informs their faith. For example, this is why toddlers have imaginary friends and early teens imagine what a real friend is. This is of course tied to cognitive development: moving into and out of the concrete stage between two and twelve.
So what does this mean?
My suggestion is to approach both stages similarly.
Be patient, it's only a stage.
Take lots of pictures.
Learn to laugh.
Treasure the silliness.
Ask for help.
Give lots of hugs.
Stay close by.
Choose their friends.
Filter their entertainment.
Look for teaching moments.
Don't forget to chart and celebrate growth.
Pray for wisdom, guidance, health and protection.

If you approach the terrible twelves with the same dedication and attitude as the terrible twos, by God's grace you'll make it. You'll find that your early teen years are just as enjoyable as your toddle years were.

Who's not here?

Do you measure the effectiveness of your ministry by who is there... or who isn't there?

I wonder if it would be more effective to measure by who is not present?

This might let us know what types of kids we tend to miss, alienate or ignore.
This might give us a better read on how well we do follow-up.
This might help us keep a better eye on the kids that are hurting.
This might keep us humble and remind us that we're not about numbers but names.

how do you measure a win?

What does a win look like to you?
What is the win in your ministry?
What does a win look like to each of the volunteers in your ministry?

Many students?
A well controlled small group?
Finishing off a talk-sheet?
A well-controlled room?
A conversion?
A well crafted and well delivered message?
No complaints?
Happy pastor and elders?
A great conversation?
Fruitful prayer?

These are all valid wins. There's nothing wrong with happy parents and supervisors. The trouble enters in when we fail to identify the greatest win, the win we strive for at the expense of others. This win must be defined and demonstrated at every opportunity. It's what we promote, measure, celebrate and adjust for when missed.

Youth pastors would do well to take a lesson from Billy Beane and Moneyball when it comes to defining a win and changing a culture for everyone to recognize and strive for that win. Beane is the GM for the Oakland A's and one of the major implementors of "sabermetrics," a rubric used to identity and assemble players according to their particular definition of "win." Rather than play by the commonly accepted practice of buying wins by increasing payroll and purchasing flashy stats and stars, Beane focused on what other teams misunderstood, ignored and discounted. He measured win potential by bases, pitch counts and longevity. Together, his discarded players produced a team that would surprise and redefine the great American pastime.

What would it look like if we defined the big win by prayer? Could it be that inviting God to participate at every moment is far more effective than inviting kids to participate? I believe that prayer is the most misunderstood, ignored and discounted tool in most Christians lives. What would it look like if we prayed as much or more than we prepared? What would it look like if we spent equal time praying for students as we did hanging with them? What if our culture was marked by prayer rather than music, games, teaching or discussion? 

I'm convinced that a youth ministry that measured the win by prayer would find more fruit than it could handle. I think churches have measured the win by butts, bucks and baptisms for too long.
It's time for a new metric.
What do you think?

Doctrine of..?

1 Timothy 1:3-5 ESV

As I urged you when I was going to Macedonia, remain at Ephesus so that you may charge certain persons not to teach any different doctrine, nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith. The aim of our charge is love that issues from pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

If someone were to visit my ministry for a month, how would they define the doctrine they encountered? What would they believe to be the founding principles? What would they believe the purpose to be? What would they believe are our priorities?

Paul's charge to Timothy was to define his doctrine in principle and practice by faith and love. Is my church a place that encourages faith and models love? Is my ministry a place that is uncluttered by false piety, unrealistic expectations and exclusive community?

There is no one else charged with the mission of defining and defending the doctrine of my ministry but me, the pastor. I would do well to remind myself of this often. I would do well to evaluate our doctrine in principle and practice with regularity.

So how do you define your doctrine?

converts or kids

I'm a father of 6 right now. I know, sometimes I think I'm crazy too. The reality is I'm married to supermom. The point is that I'm always counting my kids and wondering where they're at and how they are doing. I worry less about my 17 year old because she's grown up to be such a great young lady that we can rely on her to care for all her siblings. I worry most about our 3 year old and our 3 week old... especially if they are together. I pay more attention to my 6 year old because she has been particularly needy lately and has a tendency to wander. I'm teaching my 9 year old to be more responsible and my 7 year old to be less concerned with his siblings and his notion of fairness. Consequently, they both get a bit less hands on assistance and more coaching from the sideline. It's a lot of work to raise 6 kids but God has blessed us and empowers us to do things well, to his glory.

Now what would you think if I told you I had 5 other children but I have no idea where they are. We were excited when they were born but somewhere between the hospital and home, between the store and the car, between mealtimes, we seemed to lose track of them. It's not that we don't care about them, think about them or wish that they were with us... it's just that keeping track of that many kids is difficult. We even set a place for them at the table each night. We find that trusting them into God's hands takes the edge off our guild and worry. Our hope is that one day they will return for a meal, a bath or some advice one day and maybe then we'll be more capable of caring for them.

That would be insane! (And before you call DCFS, it's also not true.)
But at times this is exactly what happens in my youth ministry. I've seen kids come to our events and find new life in Christ but never quite make it into the family of God. I pray for them, hope for them and even plan for their return but more often than not it's not enough to ensure their return.

The words of Paul in 1 Timothy 1:1 got me thinking about this.
"To Timothy, my true child in the faith"

What if I thought of these converts as kids? What if I removed words like "students," "teens," and "young people" and began referring to them as children who rely on me for spiritual nurture, nourishment, protection and guidance? What if my church resembled more of a home and less of a school? What if we were more family than class? Would I be more concerned with their whereabouts and health? Would it change the look and pace and feel of my ministry? What would it do to me as their pastor? What would it look like to count each kid and follow up on each missing child? What would it look like to care for them as my own?

It sounds like a lot of work but I believe God will bless it and empower me to do this well, to his glory.

How about you?

voices

What are the voices in your ministry?
There are student voices that express their opinions in both words and attendance.
There are parent voices that make both subtle suggestions and bold demands.
There are elder voices that both command and commend.
There are pastor and supervisor voices that both encourage and correct.
There are colleague voices that commiserate and challenge.
There are other voices that do speak but get drown out in the crowd.

Amidst the voices, can you hear the voice of God?
His voice is the first voice you heard when you entered ministry.
His voice is the one that brings clarity rather than confusion.
His voice is the one that brings peace rather than anxiety.
His voice is the one that guides rather than directs.
His voice is the one that comes with power and authority.
His voice is the one that we must follow.

So how do you keep your ears sharp for the voice of God in the cacophony of voices shouting in your ministry today?

Stillness?
Solitude?
Scripture?
Prayer?
Fellowship?
Worship?
Meditation?
Writing?
Family?
Exercise?

May your ears be honed to the voice of God and may His voice bring you peace and clarity in this New Year.

Why do I do what I do?

Why do you do what you do?
Why are you a youth pastor?
When I was young it was fun.
When it became "work" it was challenging.
When I'd been at it a while it was familiar, simple.
When I'd been at it a long while it was a pay check.

I'm grateful that none of these would have been my primary answer at any point in my ministry. I'm grateful that when I think about ministry I don't contemplate a vocation but a calling. God called me to be a pastor a long time ago and that calling sunk in deep. I don't think I understood it back at the beginning... but looking back; it's unmistakeable.

Why do you do what you do?
It's probably a good habit to remind one's self regularly why we do what we do.
When parents complain, when kids wander, when tragedy hits, when we are tired and worn out, when we feel unappreciated, when we are tempted, when we feel stuck... it's the reminder of our calling that sets us back on track and empowers us to overcome the trials of ministry.

Why do you do what you do?