terrible twelves

For those who are parents, the idea and memory of the terrible twos may shoot shivers down your spine. This was the season of development when your kid put everything but food in his mouth, cried over spilt milk she clumsily poured, made messes of her room and your home worthy of FEMA intervention, and wandered off into danger daily. For those who are parents of teens or older, this may sound a lot like early adolescence (which equally sends shivers down your spine).
The reality is that two and twelve are a lot alike. This is true, biologically, socially, relationally and spiritually.
Biologically their bodies are growing, changing and forging a gender identity. Along with these changes come some curiosity (even fascination) with their new bodies. These changes also produce an obvious clumsiness that amuses us at two and frustrates us at twelve.
Socially they are becoming more aware of others; learning to play with or relate to peers. At both stages mastery means not hitting someone for taking a toy or friend away from them.
Relationally they are learning to express themselves with language, both verbal and nonverbal. Grunting is not uncommon. At both stages they are choosing hero's with which to relate: cartoons with capes at two, athletes, actors and entertainers at twelve. At two the try on your shoes and clothing, at twelve they try on your habits; vice or virtue, anger or gentleness, patience or impulse.
Spiritually, through the imagination, they are becoming aware of the mysterious other. At two the Bible stories inform their reality. At twelve, their reality informs their faith. For example, this is why toddlers have imaginary friends and early teens imagine what a real friend is. This is of course tied to cognitive development: moving into and out of the concrete stage between two and twelve.
So what does this mean?
My suggestion is to approach both stages similarly.
Be patient, it's only a stage.
Take lots of pictures.
Learn to laugh.
Treasure the silliness.
Ask for help.
Give lots of hugs.
Stay close by.
Choose their friends.
Filter their entertainment.
Look for teaching moments.
Don't forget to chart and celebrate growth.
Pray for wisdom, guidance, health and protection.

If you approach the terrible twelves with the same dedication and attitude as the terrible twos, by God's grace you'll make it. You'll find that your early teen years are just as enjoyable as your toddle years were.